what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
