I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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