my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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