If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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