I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
