if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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