First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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