I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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