You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
