Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
