So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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