He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
