I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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