i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
