Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
