You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
