Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
