So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
