yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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