there's paper in my vomit.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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