fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize