hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
