Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
