We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize