Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
