Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
