I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
