either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
