We named our party play list daddy issues
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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