Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize