I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
