An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
