they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
