My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
