therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize