New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize