Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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