arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
