addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize