I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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