you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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