Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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