There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
