Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
