It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she peed on how many people?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
