you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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