Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
