But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
