i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
