Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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