Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
