im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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