I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize