Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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