Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
