ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The struggles of a small town man whore
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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