I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
