Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
