just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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