We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
