A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
