Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
