I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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