what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize