You made me cry and you don't even care
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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