i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
