john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
