Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
