i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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