Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
