I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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