last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
