Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
